Christmas

 Christmas used to rank pretty high on my list for favorite holiday. As a child we didn’t get amazing and expensive gifts or anything, we got our share of socks and clothes, but we got a lot of food and family fun. We often got one game to share for 7 kids and I only ever had one baby doll and one Barbie but none of that really mattered. We had our virgin glasses of Grasshoppers to drink on Christmas Eve with one hazelnut on top. We always had a lot of Christmas cookies and usually Norwegian treats from Grandma. I’m not sure to this day how my mom managed to cook and bake so much. We reused Christmas paper and bows but never really figured out why Santa did that! When we were older we alternately used Mom and Dad’s bedroom to wrap each other’s gifts and made crazy elaborate bows with ribbons all saved from previous years. The icicles were even put on and taken back off the tree to save for next year! We had foil stickers with Santa and Merry Christmas that we had to use sparingly! There were still some left after my parents both passed! We did not use them in excess so they LASTED. I had some for a number of years but did not use them. I wonder if I still have a few tucked away? When I pass my kids won’t know the significance. They won’t know a lot I guess and that’s becoming sad to me. A FaceTime Christmas just will never be the same as being together. I suspect I may never again have a family Christmas actually on Christmas Eve or Day and probably most certainly not with all my kids and all their kids together. That brings me back to where I was in my head when I started this post. Christmas now ranks in the lower end of happy holidays for me. In a way, I wish it really didn’t come around. It doesn’t bring those old warm feelings of going back to my parents’ house to celebrate with them, my sisters and the nephews and nieces. It’s definitely not like the fun Christmas times spent with my own sons with all the Christmas tree fetching, over the top decorating, the church and school events, the food, the cookies, the singing, the ornament and craft making and lots of present wrapping and unwrapping. We tried a Christmas getaway last year with friends thinking that might be better than being alone. That really didn’t do the trick. This year we celebrated early with one son, his wife and my silly sweet grandson and that was nice. COVID prevented getting together with anyone else. The sad part, though, is even without COVID we wouldn’t all be together. We, realistically, never will be. I’m still always hopeful that the next Christmas will be a little more fun, will include all the family somehow, but I know it won’t. Montana, my just turned one year old dog, and I had matching pjammers though and that’s worth a smile. The cats love the Christmas tree so I should keep putting that up for them to sleep under. No one even bothered to mess with it this year. That’s still up but every other decoration was pulled down and put away yesterday. They didn’t bring me much joy. Memories can make you crazy sometimes and wishes don’t usually come true. It’s time I reimagine Christmas so it’s not such a depressing time of year.

Hope your Christmas was happy and 2021 is a healthy one for all. 

Meatless Meals

This whole eating thing. Do we really need to do it so much? I keep asking myself that. Maybe I am just getting tired of having to make dinner everyday. Thinking about what to eat, getting to the grocery store, and then actually cooking it. Totally over it.  I told the husband that we are not eating meat unless he cooks it. He might finally decide to cook if he wants meat instead of my meatless meals. Doubtful but possible. This week I intentionally started a meatless week. I need to make some diet changes for health reasons anyway so I need to start somewhere. Fortunately cold weather set in so I am more inclined to cook. Ready for different flavors, fall flavors. We eat a lot of vegetarian meals anyway so this isn’t really a stretch for us but I am really trying to remove meat.  Just a guess but I don’t think the husband is going to be motivated to cook many meat-centric meals. Why am I cooking meat I don’t want to be eating in the first place? I’ve made a few delicious meatless options so far this week so no one is starving. I even ate vegan cheese which has always been rather icky to me but this was Field Roast’s Chao Creamery cheese and in my opinion is pretty darn good!

First I stuffed a roasted acorn squash with Field Roast Apple Sage Grain Sausage, celery, orange sweet pepper, wild rice, dried cherries and ‘fall’ spices. I’ve tried Seattle’s Field Roast sausage when I’ve been in Seattle so was glad to find it here. They really are good. Homemade crepes filled with Duxelles and covered in Mornay sauce was great without the ham that I used to put in. A butternut squash and roasted tomato soup with a little drizzle of Lodi Olive Oil and Parmesan cheese was perfect on one of our cold days.  The squash was roasted with some of that great Lodi oil as well as cinnamon, paprika, cayenne pepper and cloves. A perfect fall blender soup. I decided  Penzey’s cinnamon really is better than the big generic container of it.  I was getting into the fall cooking spirit I think. Changed up the same great Field Roast brand grain sausage to Chipotle flavor for tacos tonight. I had to get some fall flavor into this meal too so I bought some Butternut Squash tortilla chips. I kid you not and they are good! Meatless Monday lasted all week.

                                         

L

Getting my artsy on

It’s been cold, it’s been snowing, that’s no surprise for Up Nort’ but it has given me too much inside time. New project desperately needed. Organize, no. Declutter, no. Cook, no. Sort photos, no. Paint. Yes, I should paint. Problem is, I don’t really do that. I thought I’d try. I thought I might try some Aboriginal-like art I saw somewhere. Thinking, “I just need to start with a dot!” So I did! It’s been very therapeutic and fun! I have a few people who have liked what I’ve done. I even like most of them and that’s pretty unusual since I don’t normally like much of what I do. It’s a perfectionist’s curse. I keep experimenting with colors, designs and techniques. Once I get going it’s so difficult to stop. So many ideas in my head for new ones but I should probably do something else, like cook. All those photos are still sitting there too, in boxes, waiting to get organized. Yet, I am painting dots.

Near me in the trees

I almost see him there, on the weathered edge of the bench. He was this tree to me, the far reaching branches that sprung freely from the hearty trunk firmly rooted here.  I am on the opposite bench believing I am in his shadow,  unknowingly having become the tree. He has always been the roots that have kept me strong and upright. Dad, you've always been MY tree.

It's October and, as always, it is a bittersweet time. The month my dad was born, my parents were married and the month my dad died. I don't remember how colorful the trees were that day or if it was cold or rainy. It could have been a day with bright blue skies and many orange, yellow and red leaves falling but I don't remember any of that. With the internet I guess I could actually look that up but I don't really care. Not today. In my mind it is still one of the darkest days of my life. Someday I might want to know if the sky was as blue as it is today and as colorful as today’s autumn day.


I do remember his hand, holding his hand and commenting to myself that it was 'my hand'. I had never noticed how my hand looked just like his hand. It still had some of the signs that he hadn't long been away from raking and cleaning up the fall yard and gardens. He would always rather be outside than inside and once it got to be too cold outside he would be in the workshop. He needed to keep his hands busy to keep pace with how his brain worked. Most often fast and furious and never stilled. He was generally planning the next project far before the current ones were ever completed.

My dad, my heart. I feel close to him especially among the trees. Not that I planned my walk at all today at the Minnesota Landscape Arboretum Generally I follow my eyes and my ears and make my way.  Today though, today, it seemed as though Dad was there, Dad was taking that walk with me. Taking me to the places with the trees he wanted me to see, the ones I remember he talked about. Make no mistake, he loved his trees. I spent a longer than normal time walking among the trees today! His great appreciation for trees made me a lover of them as well. Trees are meant for playful squirrels which must be why I saw even the white one today! Dad's squirrels were all named Charlie, that's just the way it was. My hubby wasn't offended. Dad didn't really realize he had named his squirrels after my hubby for many years. The day he had the voila moment he did apologize to Charlie and wanted to change the squirrel's name. My recollection is that the name Charlie the Squirrel stayed.

There were the bog Tamaracks that were shedding, the maples that were dressed in yellow, orange and red, the mighty oak that made the hymn, How Great Thou Art, come to mind! He liked that hymn. There were the areas of trees dressed in his beloved Green Bay Packers colors of green and gold. I believe I walked with my dad today and I think I heard a chuckle over the squirrels of white, red, grey and brown. Maybe that was just the plundering turkeys!

Chillaxin'

They know I am a prime candidate for chilling out today. The raccoons at the wildlife center defeated me yesterday. Over 50 of them to clean up after, feed, and remove from hanging off my pants. My pants were so drenched with water it was difficult keeping them on with a husky little guy wanting to be carried around on the seat of my pants! Another was attached by his teeth on the back of my BOGS which was like dragging around a ball and chain! There were also squirrels, possums, geese and a lone groundhog who refused to tell me if Fall was upon us or will be late. I gave  him another pink blanket in return for his uncooperative nature but did not give him brussel sprouts as he appears to hate them. Tis a beautiful day to keep chilling with these furry babies before I start a much calmer day. 

Chuck does not predict the weather.